I'd much rather write this under the influence of some type of fun(drug) but seeing as how that is frowned upon by cunts and the fact I forgot to buy a bottle of wine tonight. I'm forced to go start my car in the garage, stomp the gas pedal to the floor and huff as much car farts as possible... hold on i'll be write back(see what i did there?)...
Awhile back I purchased a pack of Wrigley's 5 Cobalt gum to keep my mouth from smelling like a bag of assholes. I happened to grab the TRUTH OR DARE pack and didn't think anything of it. Like truth or dare isn't fun if you play it by yourself, but seeing as how i do everything by myself I figured why the fuck not. So on this particular gum wrapper that is laid out in front of me has two dares and one truth. The Truth being the title of this very blog. I've had this wrapper sitting on my TV stand for the last 2 months just thinking about what i would do if i had 24 hours left before i kicked rocks.
I would probably start the day by walking outside naked with my morningwood and doing jumping jacks until i got tried of my hangdown slapping against my tummy, if my neighbors were outside, well i'd just stare them right in the eyes until they either got naked and joined me or called the cops. I would then host a massive cookout with friends and family and i would make the most excellent ribs anyone has ever grilled and after everyone was done eating i would tell them that i made love to every single piece of meat. I'm willing to bet that half the people there would think that i beat off all of the meat(which might be a good way to marinate them) but by making love to the meat i mean something else, something i'm not willing to explain.
After spending time with the fam and friends i would go do what i love to do, which is pack up my backpack, roll three joints, drive somewhere, park my car and just venture off into the woods for an hour or two with my camera. After the camera fun time i would drive to the nearest open mic or show and kick whoever is on stage off so that i could say the following "I like weed, shrooms and on occasion LSD and if you have a problem well you can suck my cock!" I would proceed to say "Welcome to the world... where you aren't free to be you, but you can be who we want you to be.. What's that? you want to live free? No, No, no not here buddy! you can live as free as we want you to live," Then i would proceed to throw some type of line crossing period pussy joke(because I CAN) or some type of joke about shitting on Mary Fallins face(because She is a CUNT she could be a nice person but i don't think so(my opinion))... and at the end i would probably rap A Tribe Called Quest or a Kanye West song and top it off with a poem about love. (i bet you want to know the poem)
I would then drive to this girl's job whom i told i loved and got the response "why" and ask for the shirt back just to wipe my ass with it and hand it back to her, i would then go to another girl whom i also told i loved and make it very clear that i confused lust for love, then i would drive to the third girls, a girl i got some flowers for when i was jobless and broke(shouldn't have wasted my money) and i would shit on the ground and say there are your flowers. After that i give my car to a person that needed it more than i and i would probably eat about two handfuls of shrooms and a few tabs of LSD... i mean if i'm gonna die i'm not gonna die sober. Am i joking?
That last paragraph is a maybe, I know one thing I would do is find that girl I met in the summer and put a child in her. I mean, i would put in that your getting pregnant on these three pumps and i'd leave a letter to my unborn child. A letter i thought about sharing but i'm not going to. But i would definitely share a joint with this chick and i would give her my camera as well... sometimes i'm a sappy bitch. I can't help that.
enjoy some tacos.... bitchessssssss and spread the love
It is now April 26, 2015 and if i had 24 hours to live i would simple do whatever the fuck I want, all that shit i wrote in January goes by the way side... well most of it. I would problem eat shrooms and lsd at the same time and while on said funs i would then set a few houses on fire and and just sit outside and watch as the flames dance with each other. i would then attempt to drive to the grand canyon and then drive my car off the edge and jump out right as it goes over... not to try to stop myself from going over but to see if i can beat it to the bottom in a race which happens to be gravity assisted.