“What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?”
That’s what she asked me as i stood outside and she sat on the curb looking up at me. “What is the biggest lesson you learned” and that’s what keeps playing over and over in my head. Such a simple question but it could be complex. Biggest lesson i’ve learned… well, it’s not about me. Just be… oh don’t be a fuckin asshole(i struggle with that from time to time), Be Original! don't be derivative cause what's the fucking point, just be chill, I was humbled… not once but twice at a bar in Oklahoma City last night… I knew i shouldn’t have gone up but i did, and oh it was all bad… just pure shit… ego all fucking ego, I didn’t even like that dude that was on the fuckng mic. Last night is one of those nights to where i should’ve been hit in the face… not once but twice and i would’ve thought to myself “had that coming”. Then afterward i came home and looked at some film and was like, oh these shots are dope. Then i looked again and thought “well, actually they’re complete fucking shit! It’s the process, right? I had a friend come up to me tonight after The Divine Comedy Show at the 51St Speakeasy and said “you’re photography game is way better than your comedy game.” Looked me dead in my eyes and said it… and i was like “well… i can’t get mad cause i know you’re right.”
When i prepare the way i should, and just be… things just flow… they flow oh so proper, but as of late i get these eggs… these little sparks and they just sit there and I’ll think, “oh that would be funny if i actually put in that work.” but… i just get up there and see what comes out. Sometimes oh it is a blast other times well… i look blankly off into space and mutter “i should write a joke...it’s been awhile.” I should crack that egg and see what i actually cook up. I mean you don’t help anyone that doesn’t help themselves. One of the last days i was in California i saw a dude broke down not even attempting to move his shit, just sitting there. It was a Volkswagen Thing red with plate that red So Soul… lifted a bit… nice ride, but the nigga just sat there trying to start it… at some point logic dictates that you, get the fuck out and push. Me being in a good mood and just downing a coffee i didn’t fucking need i had the energy and the time… but i heard the voice… “Don’t help this nigga!” but i did, we pushed his shit over to the side. The dude didn’t even look me in my eyes, didn’t say thank you, just was like whatever nigga… and i was like i should’ve left that fuck in that intersection… But i said that to say this, i’m being that dude by not crafting my shit, sure i can bullshit on a mic but what’s beyond the bullshitting? Where is the fucking point of view. Most of all… where is the fucking PUNCHLINE...So, i’m getting out of myself and pushing this shit… what the fuck else i got to do? Besides get better and go get weird with the assistance of lsd?
I know what i need to do but i just keep self sabotaging. Some people are looking at me like “you still haven’t learned?” you can’t just show up… you have to SHOW UP… so With that being said, i have a painting to start, a short i have to write( even though my gut said no, but i said i would so i have too.) and some eggs i’ve got to turn into some omelets, but not just any omelet…
“What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?”
Nigga get over yourself… Get the fuck out your own way… and this shit is bigger than me. It’s not about me. The things you learn... and relearn.. until you actually use what the fuck you've learned.